MMQB meeting with strong opinions and nuns to Happy Hour

Originally Published: Nov 8, 2010 12:28 PM CDT

Manny the Moderator: Good morning. I mean mourning.   I know. You’re down and out. Your Sooners lost to the Aggies. In the fourth quarter. On the road. You’d rather have a case of the gout. You feel like Bill O’Reilly at an Al Franken fundraiser. Nancy Pelosi at a Palin speech.  You feel out of touch. Helpless. Hopeless. Looking for someone to blame.

I know how you feel. You want to fire all the coaches. They’re easy targets. Like shooting fish in a barrel.  You want to tell them off. You want to run them off.  You want to call them into your office and tell them one by one: “You are toast.  Rigor mortis wins. You lose.  Pink slip city. Hit the highway.  Here’s an apple and a road map. Destination, Forrest Lawn.

Whether it’s really the coaches’ fault, you want to get it off your chest. You want to call them an X-out in a world of Pro V 1s. A can of Beenie Weenie’s in a world of Haagen Daz. Boone’s Farm in a world of Dom Perignon. Chopped liver in a world of caviar.

You want to keep going. You’re on a roll. You want to tell them they don’t stack up. Tell’em they  floss at boot camp. That they’re like Manute Bol on the bench press. A jockey at Mr. Big and Tall. Barkley at the range.   Rosie in a hot-tub. Rosie in the 200-free. Rosie in the Ironman. Woody Allen at a Zig Ziglar at a motivational seminar.

Tell them off. Stuff like the next meal’s on me. 4pm dinner at Furr’s. All you can eat for under a dollar. Swish it down with room-temp Falstaff. Tell them they’re nothing more than irredeemable hacks. To get a real job. Sam’s needs a sacker. Bus station needs a sweeper. Highways need hitchhikers.

Tell them you’re baffled. That they are baffled. Out of their element. They’re Les Miles teaching clock management seminar.  Howard Schnellenber on the cover of GQ. A nun at Happy Hour.  

But really folks. Is it really the coaching? Is it Stoops’ fault he calls a fake field goal that should make him a hero again. And his guy drops it. It’s a two-way street. Stoops isn’t throwing players under the bus. That never helps. He’s shouldering his share of the blame. And he should. But be fair. Is it the play callers’ fault players can’t complete a pass when Kenny Stills is 25-yards behind his man? Goes from a great call to third and long.

 Let’s open it up for questions and comments. Bundy’s up first. He’s been to 198 consecutive games but says he’ll think twice before driving to Baylor. Doesn’t want to blow a gasket. And doesn’t want to risk leaving with a fourth-quarter loss to the Baptists. The Baptists? Didn’t know they played football anymore. Bundy?

Bundy: Thanks Manny. Got so frustrated Saturday night I wrote a three page letter putting on paper all the problems I see. I’ll give you the short version.  First, we waste more timeouts than any good team I’ve ever seen. Why doesn’t Landry ever take off running when it’s third down and he can easily pick up the first down? Our OL is nothing special, but I felt sorry for them. We’d call plays that they knew were coming and we had five blocking eight. Put Roy Finch in. Easy call on that one.

Jed: This team reminds me of the 1999 team. Good to great at home, poor on the road. I would agree with that assessment for the most part! Jones is like Heupel. Not exactly, but can generate ungodly numbers at times. Just think, even Finch (a Q clone!) burnt his redshirt midway through the season, too?! And teams that held us below 30 won.

Al: I said all along if they don’t play Roy Finch enough for him to be a major contributor he should redshirt. DeMarco had 39 touches. 25 runs, 10 catches and 4 kickoff returns. That’s 35 more than Finch had. THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE.

Dream: Here, here. Toast to that. There are too many play-makers on this team for them to be so predictable and unproductive on the road.  Isn’t it the job of the coaches to put the players in the best position to win?  The best position for ward is not to stand next to Heupel and watch Murray get more worn out than an Alaskan sled dog.

Chad: I’d never see any deception.  Never see misdirection.  Never ever see a trick play.  Are we arrogant enough to think we don’t need trick plays?  Seems to work for other teams.  Watch Boise State.  Watch anyone.  They all do more than we do.

Blund: When is last time OU left 38 gimmee points on the field in one game? And 3 goal-line stands, shank field goal, wide open receiver in first qtr, a Hanna drop. How many games do you get benched for a fumble at OU? Two and counting if you ask Madu. Footnote: last time Moses touched ball he nearly went the distance on highlight reel kickoff return. Is Finch injured?

Smokey Joe: I think they should put in the A formation. Worked for Gene Corrotto.

Blund: I think they should put in Roy Finch.

Jake: I think they should put in for a leave of absence.

PJ: No one is talking defense.  This team gave up after that missed field goal.  I think they were just walking for an excuse to stop hustling.  Hate to say that, but the record shows it.

Coach Richardson: Come on guys.  Stoops said on the blitz last night that they changed things up in practice last week to try to come out of the road funk.  It’s not like the coaches or sitting on their hands.  What do you want?  Fire all the assistant coaches?  I’d say get rid of two or three and get some fresh blood in here.  But let’s quit putting it all on these guys. They’ve on before. And they aren’t taking stupid pills.  Let’s just wait and see what happens from here on out.  We’ve got better not players to go to a BCS bowl.  Any more than one loss and I say reconvene.

Manny: Nicely done every one. We’ve run out of time and out of space.  See you next Monday.  Sure hope we’re forward that trap Texas Tech may present.