At the Movies: 'Dracula 2000'

For the lone moviegoer, ``Wes Craven Presents: Dracula 2000'' is a depressing waste of time. <br><br>You'll leave feeling embarrassed and insulted for spending money to be treated like a chump.

Wednesday, December 27th 2000, 12:00 am

By: News On 6

For the lone moviegoer, ``Wes Craven Presents: Dracula 2000'' is a depressing waste of time.

You'll leave feeling embarrassed and insulted for spending money to be treated like a chump.

But the movie is a terrific piece of junk for any group of friends who share a wicked â€” if somewhat sadistic â€” sense of humor. The fun part, of course, comes when everyone gets together afterward to laugh about the eyeball-rolling stupidity of this sorry horror story.

The first example of carelessness is the title.

The ''2000'' tag is already outdated, considering the movie debuted just a few days before 2001. Put it on the shelf next to this year's equally forgettable ``Pokemon: The Movie 2000'' and ``Godzilla 2000.''

Also, famed horror director Wes Craven gets his name at the top, which is misleading. Craven's only listed as an executive producer, and nine other people share producer credits.

``Dracula 2000'' doesn't feel anything like Craven's far superior ``Scream'' and ``A Nightmare on Elm Street'' movies.

That's because this modern retelling of Bram Stoker's classic novel is just too lazy to follow its own rules.

For instance, Christopher Plummer plays a vampire hunter who keeps Dracula's body in an elaborate vault for decades because he can't figure out how to kill him.

OK â€” did he try sunlight? Apparently not. Dracula is, indeed, harmed by a thin beam of sunshine early in the movie.

But is he really?

Minutes later, Dracula wanders unharmed through broad daylight as he assaults a television news van.

So Dracula is NOT hurt by sunlight?

Right, except for yet another scene at the climax when sunlight causes him to burst into flames.

So how about the vault that stores Dracula's body?

It's protected by two guards; a steel gate; retina, palm and voice scanners; a 2-foot-thick titanium door; an underground maze and several deadly booby traps.

Too bad the stone wall next to Dracula's coffin is crumbling right onto the street outside, making for a pretty easy escape.

Then there are the movie's many head-scratching moments.

â€” Blood splashed on Dracula's coffin is sucked in through its seams. What does that mean? Can a coffin be a vampire, too? (Incidentally, it's a cheap effect. Footage of fake blood seeping out of the coffin is simply played in reverse.)

â€” A lone news crew films the wreckage of a giant plane crash that has failed to attract the interest of any other human being. No safety investigators, rescue crews or fellow news organizations anywhere around.

â€” Detectives laugh at a woman who says she's a vampire â€” even though she has razor sharp teeth, super strength and NO REFLECTION in the interrogation room's sizable mirror.

â€” Plummer keeps himself young by injecting the captive Dracula's blood into his veins. But if Dracula isn't free to prey on people, where does he get the blood?

The biggest question remains, why didn't this movie go straight to video?

``Wes Craven Presents: Dracula 2000,'' directed by Patrick Lussier, is rated R for profanity, gory violence and partial nudity.

â€”â€”â€”

Motion Picture Association of America rating definitions:

G â€” General audiences. All ages admitted.

PG â€” Parental guidance suggested. Some material may not be suitable for children.

PG-13 â€” Special parental guidance strongly suggested for children under 13. Some material may be inappropriate for young children.

R â€” Restricted. Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian.

NC-17 â€” No one under 17 admitted.