Ten new laws of love

Friday, June 23rd 2000, 12:00 am
By: News On 6

1. Chemistry: It's the required magic in a relationship. This includes being sexually attracted to your partner and being able to talk to your partner as a best friend.

2. Priority: Your relationship is what is most important to you.Hobbies, addictions and even parents and in-laws come second.

3. Emotional integrity: This is more than simply telling the truth. It is addressing underlying emotions with your partner rather than acting them out. For example, say, "I am angry that you didn't pick me up on time," rather than being sarcastic or simply ignoring your partner.

4. Deep listening: Simply sit still for 10 minutes. Don't utter a word or make facial expressions. Cover your mouth and sit on your hands if you have to. And listen to your partner.

5. Equality: Being in an equal relationship simply means thatyour responsibilities and decision-making are balanced. It doesn't matter who does what, as long as both partners feel it is fair.

6. Peacemaking: This step-by-step path to peace allows couples to resolve conflict.

7. Self-love: In order to love someone else, you must love yourself. To love yourself, you must discover what lies behind the anger you feel for your partner. Most often, it is the result of a hurt that occurred while growing up.

8. Mission in life: A mission can include anything from finishinggraduate school to quitting work and staying home with your children.What is most important is that a couple supports each individual'smission in life and helps them accomplish it.

9. Walking: A person must be able to stand on his or her own. If he or she is not, and is simply staying in the relationship due to financial or emotional reasons, the relationship cannot be successful.

10. Transformational education: This is a statement of commitment and a realization that there are going to be hard times. Each partnercommits to do whatever is necessary to learn how to heal therelationship.

SOURCE: Maurice Taylor and Seana McGee, The New Couple: Why the Old Rules Don't Work and What Does, (HarperSanFrancisco, $25).