Tulsa Social Distancing Rules Disrupts Funeral Services, Leaves Many Unable To Attend Burials

A woman who lost her husband of 20 years said she's not only grieving over his death but is heartbroken over the fact that she can't have a funeral due to Tulsa's public gathering restrictions during the COVID-19 outbreak.

"It’s just been hard. It’s been an emotional roller coaster," Dennis said.

Mary Dennis' husband, H. Stanley Dennis Jr., died on March 22nd, which is also the couple's anniversary. She said her husband died from kidney failure and congestive heart failure after receiving treatment for weeks at Saint Francis Hospital in Tulsa.

Dennis said he was an avid University of Oklahoma Sooner fan who held season tickets for over four decades. She also said they were blessed with eight grandchildren and 13 great-grandchildren.

"I just take it one day at a time right now to give him a proper burial," Dennis said.

She said due the city's restrictions of public gatherings, she planned to have a small private burial ceremony with nine people, plus a minister. She said many family members could not attend the funeral anyways due to travel restrictions for out of state residents.

"I've had support from friends and family, but many of them can’t come to the service because of the bans. They are struggling and heartbroken that they can’t be here," Dennis said

On Friday, she got a call from Memorial Park cemetery staff, who told her she could no longer have the service due to the mayor's order prohibiting any gatherings.

"The burial service was important to me and when I thought I couldn't do that, it was pushing it me over the edge if you know what I mean, emotionally," Dennis said.

Although the city of Tulsa is not allowing gatherings, the governor's office said it is allowing gatherings to proceed with a 10-person limit, because they understand the sensitivity to special moments of loss and mourning. Denis said both the state and the city of Tulsa need to be clearer on their stance.

"I just found it really hard to believe; no funerals without any explanation or reasonable restrictions," Dennis explained.

News On 6 spoke Joseph Moore with Moore Funeral Homes who arranged Dennis' service. He said they feel her pain.

"The hardest part is that we are not able to give families exactly what they want, our goal is to give families closure and grief support," Moore said.

Moore said the funeral home has had to adapt to the city's restrictions such as offering virtual funerals through their streaming service. The best thing families can do during this unprecedented event, is to hold a larger service once the pandemic ends. 

"The options would be to postpone a service until more people can gather, but if they don't want to wait, they also could have a private get-together to memorialize that person and share that with friends," Moore explained.

The cemetery called Dennis this week and told her they would allow her to hold the burial service for her husband because it was previously planned. She was able to lay him to rest this afternoon. She hopes others learn from her experience. 

"Unless you are faced with the death of a family member or close friend, you're not aware of this," Dennis said.