Originally Published: Apr 8, 2011 3:46 PM CDT
Let me ask you a few important questions. Do you enjoy going to Pottery Barn? Do you like curtain samples? How about fabric swatches and linen expos and, heaven forbid, baby showers? Then do what I am doing: Write a sternly worded letter to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell urging him to FIX THIS MESS!
The longer this NFL owners vs. players spat drags on, the more and more concerned I get for the Average Joe football dude out there. Your Sunday afternoons planted in front of the tube wiping potato chip grease on your shirt and falling asleep on the coach during halftime are OVER if these labor disputes carry on into the season. Forget the fact that the league will be losing billions of dollars. What about YOU!?You will be trading in your freedom! So long lazy afternoons! So long Monday night parties! Those glorious weekly traditions will be replaced with shopping and cleaning and yard work!
Think about it! Your wife will be elated! Believe me, she's rooting for the lockout, especially if the gutters need cleaning! You think she's on your side (because of that whole till death do you part thing). But NO! She's on THEIR SIDE!!! Mow the lawn? Why not there's no football today. Paint the shutters? Try getting out of that one without a 7-hour pigskin respite to save you. You may even have to vacuum.
Believe me, I love doing my part around the house from February to July. But, I love the six month housework hiatus that comes so conveniently every Sunday afternoon for 20 weeks of the year even more.I can hear the tub calling me now...Clean me. Clean me. No football??! Say it ain't so! I neeeeeed Sundays. I neeeeeed football. I neeeed the NFL to patch things up between the owners and the players. I can't fold any more laundry.
Please, Mr. Goodell. Fix this ASAP.