Winners in the Worst Writing Contest

Wednesday, July 12th 2000, 12:00 am
By: News On 6

Some of the winning entries Tuesday in the 19th annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest:

— Grand prize: ``The heather-encrusted Headlands, veiled in fog as thick as smoke in a crowded pub, hunched precariously over the moors, their rocky elbows slipping off land's end, their bulbous, craggy noses thrust into the thick foam of the North Sea like bearded old men falling asleep in their pints.'' — Gary Dahl, Los Gatos, Calif.

— Romance: ``Theirs was a love that transcended time, ran roughshod over moral dogmas, guffawed in the face of adversity, rent asunder the shackles of social convention and took a sledgehammer to the crumbling walls of religious doctrine: a passionate love, a tender love, a selfless love, an undying love: not bad for two gerbils born on opposite sides of the glass partition.'' — Kevin Ruston, England.

— Science Fiction: ``The night (like every night on Beta Forensis Epsilon (known to the members of the Star Guard ground station as BFE) where the 30-degree axial tilt, 12-hour rotation and ferocious radiation from Beta Forensis' F5 perpetual thermonuclear blast churned the atmosphere like a rookie's stomach during zero-gee training) was dark and stormy.'' — William D. Draper, Manassas, Va.

— Detective: ``Becky Flatbush was the quintessential Girl Cop: wisecracking, shrewd, prone to PMS-inspired shooting `mistakes,' yet tender, compassionate and actually very good with criminals when she was not feeling bloated and cranky and like she wanted to kill someone just to relieve her monthly depression.'' — Laura Sebastian, Miami.

— Purple Prose: ``Jasper Tourmaline III was obsessed with thoughts of the lovely Coral Olivine — the toss of her amber hair and the sparkle of her sapphire eyes whenever she flashed her pearly whites through those pouting ruby lips that so starkly contrasted her opalescent skin — but her peerless beauty belied her diamond-hard heart, for Coral had told Jasper that she could never love a jeweler.'' — Matthew Chambers, Parsons, W.Va.